Life In The Fab Lane: Show Us Your Life: Share Marriage Advice

I am jumping over from www.kellyskornerblog.com today for her friday "show us your life" posts. Today is share your marriage advice! I believe I have posted a few times on this topic and let me start by saying - my marriage is nowhere near perfect. We have been through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I just want to share what I have learned after being married 8 years.

The most important part about being married is to be best friends FIRST. That is just my personal opinion. I know some of you may disagree, but this works well in my own relationship with my husband. If I had to choose between being his wife or being his best friend, I always promised I would be his best friend for life. When you are someone's friend, you allow them to vent and express their feelings, you take them out shopping to make them feel better, you give them advice, you hang out, you laugh and smile and tell jokes... all things alot of couples forget to do.

Marriage is not easy. I just posted a quote today over on Facebook -

"Getting married is easy, staying married is the challenge."

In today's society, it is easy to give up and move on. It's easy to say "i'm not happy" and just go to the courthouse and get a divorce. Nobody seems to think about the lasting impression it is doing not only on society as a whole but also to the children in today's world. I encourage you to do the research BEFORE making a life long commitment. God's intention of marriage was for us to make a life long dedication of our lives to our husband. I still believe that woman was made from man and we are to be the helper. I take my wedding vows very seriously - and I find it offensive that some people do not have those same values. If people in today's society do not value marriage, then why do they get married in the first place? I know this post has become more about picking on society than advice, but it's the honest truth!

Since I spent so much time criticizing, I decided to make a list of the things I feel are important in a marriage. They are not in any particular order; just random thoughts from a blessed wife.

Always be your spouse's best friend. You will be suprised the difference this will make in your relationship. The best times I have had with DJ have been the times that we did something silly like friends would do. We tell each other everything too even if it's something the other person might not want to hear or listen to. I know that I can share anything with DJ and he will listen and respond like a friend more than like the leader of our family. He knows that I am my own person with my own thoughts and I try to be the best friend that I possibly can be.

Do not belittle your spouse in front of others. This includes things you write on the internet. I see so many people complaining about their marriage on Facebook and Twitter. Also, watch what you say to other family members or even mutual friends. I have discussed my marriage with other people and then that person belittled my marriage by telling someone else. Your marriage is sacred. Do not allow other people to come in and do not disrespect your spouse by talking bad about them to anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

Never assume they know how you feel. I am the world's worst about this. I will just assume that DJ knows I am angry or hurting. When something is wrong, tell your spouse in a calm voice and let them communicate back to you without getting upset at what they say.

Give 100% even if your spouse is not. DJ and I married as teens and we both had issues at some point in our marriage with just giving up and not giving it our all. It helps that one of us was always pushing us through.

Be the wife your husband needs you to be - and vice versa. Go back to what the bible says about being husband and wife and instill those values in your whole family. I always try to ask my husband what I can do to help him out. I remember Dr. Phil saying once that everyday you should look in the mirror and ask yourself what you can do today to make your spouse's life better. I think more marriages would survive if more people gave this a try!

Be intimate even when you don't feel like it. You may be tired or cranky or had a hard day at work, but once you get into the moment, you will be glad you did it! If you do not take the time for sex, your marriage will suffer - it's scientifically proven. I'm sure alot of husbands will be happy to read that!

Be passionate about life outside of your marriage. Make sure that you are chasing your own dreams and making them come true. Do not let your happiness only come from your spouse. Also, make time for friends and life outside of being spouse or parent; it will help you be refreshed and have more of an ability to actually enjoy your family.

Make sure you are on the same page when it comes to parenting. Sit down before you have kids and make ground rules that are important to both of you. If you haven't done this yet and already have kids, you should really have a serious conversation about what you expect as far as parenting and discipline goes. Honestly, DJ and I fought for years over our differences in parenting, but we came together and decided what was best for our family - so now our kids know we are united in our feelings about what we expect from them and they know we are both on the same page so they cannot "get away" with more from one parent versus the other.

Lean on each other through tragedy and always avoid pushing your spouse away in times of sorrow and grief. Your spouse married you for a reason! They want to be there in good times and bad so give them that chance. You may be suprised just how comforting your spouse can be.

Try to fight fair and never go to bed angry. Actually listen to your spouse instead of thinking of what to say back when they are speaking. Also, remember that your kids may be in the house and they hear more than you think. I will never forget the first time that DJ and I were fighting and we realized that Ace was old enough to know what was going on. He came into our room, got between us, and said "please tell me you all are not being for real, you are just kidding right." It broke both of our hearts that our children were carrying our problems on their shoulders. Kids are learning about divorce at a very young age because most kids have divorced parents, step families, and blending... so you have to watch what you say. Make sure you apologize, hug, and kiss before you fall asleep at night. Imagine the burden it would place on your spouse if something were to happen to you in your sleep.

These are just a few of the many things I feel are important to make a long lasting marriage. I have read some really good advice over on Kelly's post so I encourage you to hop over there when you have finished reading mine! Hope all my readers have a wonderful weekend!