This year has been one of the worst of my entire life. I am not sure where it started going downhill, but it went there quickly. So many things are being thrown at me at once and just when I think i've hit rock bottom, something else comes to surface and I just ask God "why???"
As you all know, my granny passed away back in March. She was the rock of our family and I could tell she knew that the family would fall apart once she left us to go to Heaven. The last time that I held her hand, she would not let go. She told me that she was worried and I simply stroked her hair and said "everything is going to be okay. It's alright, we are all okay." I knew at that point that I had to change some of my thinking. That I had to let go of some of the hurt and resentment I felt towards other members of our family. I wanted to really reach out and bring the family back to make her proud - but I simply have failed.
My grandmother and grandfather lived in the same house for almost thirty years. In that time, we had alot of memories there. Everything from births to deaths, Christmas dinners and lots of laughs. I spent every Christmas eve night there since I was born. This will be the first year that I will not be there - and it is crushing. My sister lived there when she needed a place to stay. I lived there throughout my teen years and had the best life there I could have ever hoped for. My dad lived there when he couldn't afford a place of his own... my cousin Hope and I spent many days there playing store or preparing for big trips that Granny and Papaw took us on. When Granny passed away, Papaw couldn't handle living there anymore. He quickly packed up everything and even gave most of it away just to be done with it. He put the house up for sale and we all said good-bye. But it turned out this was not good-bye at all.
Without posting too many details, my father has decided to move into the house with his girlfriend who he now plans to marry. I wasn't sure how I would feel about it, but as time has gone on I have done and said some really hurtful things just trying to figure out how I really feel deep down in my heart. I think that my granny would want me to stand up and say this isn't the right thing to do. It makes everyone in the family feel uncomfortable and that seems so selfish to me on their part. The rest of the truth is that she is still married to someone else and that her and my father have a deeper connection than just them dating. My father was the best man at her second marriage - to HIS best friend. My father is friends with her father. My father once dated her sister and was married to her ex-step mother. It's all just too much for me to sit back and say "I'm happy for you." I am not here trying to spread rumors or ask people to feel pity on me, I am here because I have lost connection with almost every single person in my life. I know alot of it is because of me... because of the choices that I have made in the past that makes me quick to speak and anger and hard to talk to. It has effected my marriage and my friendships and it has also effected bonds between my family and I, but I never expected it to come to this. It seems as though my whole family has decided I should be left out. They have decided that my father's girlfriend can be a part of the family, but I cannot. I lack the capacity to respect her because she has chosen this path of moving her kids and herself into a home that my Granny worked hard to make a house filled with love. I just cannot sit and be a part of it ever again.
To add icing to the cake, they told me that they were engaged by her saying "wanna see what I got?" and then pulling out a ring. All of this in the same day. Every part of me just wanted to run off and hide - and another part of me just wanted to sit at Granny's grave and tell her how hurt I feel. I know that Granny is looking down on me, looking at this whole situation, and I know that she would be proud of me for taking a stand. I know the difference between right and wrong, but maybe I just act before I think about the best solution - I am starting to realize that I have to be considerate of other people and not just myself. That I cannot continue to live in the "me" bubble anymore. That although I do not condone my father living with a woman married to someone else, that I probably should have talked to him instead of blowing up in anger.
Now, I have no idea where to go from here...I have nobody that I can talk to that isn't already involved in this mess in some way, form, or fashion. I am just asking for prayers of peace and clarity of mind. I want to deal with this differently than I have dealt with the problems of my past. I want to think clearly and speak with thought and character instead of anger and hatred.
I appreciate all of the prayers and I look forward to coming back with a happier update...
I'm in a "blogging bind" these days. I have things I want to share but then choose not to for whatever reason or I'm just not sure anyone wants to read my ranting for 45 minutes about how my kids will not tie their shoes even if I ask them fifty times a day...ha!
So, I figured I would blog about something that doesn't pertain to my family or my life, just my love for television. I want to feature a few of my favorite shows that I just can't live without! So, here are seven shows I think you should watch if you don't and why! :)
1.) Brothers And Sisters:
I found this show not on television, but in the clearance isle of Blockbuster. My kids and I used to have a tradition of going into their small store in Crossville every Friday night and renting enough movies to last the weekend. While the kids would roam the kids section, I would attempt to purchase movies instead of renting if they had them on sale. This particular day they were selling TV Series on Clearance for $14! I looked through them and read the backs of a few and a girl walked up to me and said, if you like family drama, you would love Brothers And Sisters! So, I brought it home and as the kids slept I watched the whole first season IN ONE NIGHT. I was instantly hooked and soon after, so was DJ! It follows Sally Field as Nora Walker and makes you think her family is so perfect..but then the secrets begin to unfold. Their father is having an affair, he actually dies in the very first episode, and the family is left uncovering secret after secret. They also all run a business together and life gets very complicated. It's compelling and will leave you both laughing and crying until the very end.
2.) So You Think You Can Dance:
I'm pretty sure i've posted about this show a few times before. It will literally rock your socks off! It brings out some of the most talented people I have ever had the pleasure of seeing dance and it is constantly winning all types of awards for everything from costumes to choreography. The show is produced by Nygel Lythgoe who brought us American Idol and has some of the most talented judges including Adam Shankman, a World known producer of movies like The Last Song and The Step Up Series.
3.) Army Wives:
I heard alot of women raving about how great this show was but honestly, I didn't think I would like it because I have never lived the Army life or even really know alot about it. The title kind of gives you a different idea than what the actual show is all about. Although it does revolve around a platoon and their families, it is a great family drama for anyone and everyone. It centers around four girlfriends and their friend Roland and life in the military and brings out all types of different personalities like Roxy, who is the "wild one" who has two previous children and marries a military man just weeks after meeting him, Claudia Joy who seems like the perfect wife and will do anything and everything for her family, and Roland who is the guy thrown into the mix when his wife becomes high up in the Chain of Command. There are heartbreaking moments when someone loses a child, their are funerals that will put chills down your spine, and then there are moments like trying to juggle four children on no sleep, that just make you feel like they are a part of your family.
4.) Teen Wolf:
Go ahead and say what I said at first....it sounds like another teenage show that we "old folks" will never understand - and I will admit, the first episode did nothing for me and left both my husband and I wondering if we should even bother watching it. I'm so glad we did though because by episode two, it brought out some great acting and storylines. It's not your typical teenage show, it brings teens and adults together to fight off evil along with temptation and the problems of everyday life. Tyler Posey is one of the best upcoming actors of his generation I truly believe. He plays Scott who essentially is, the Teen Wolf. He is madly in love with a girl and the first season centered around him realizing that he was a wolf and that he could not be together with her if he wanted to keep her safe. By season two, it brought on a whole new set of problems and really got in depth of what life is like in most American families (minus the whole wolf part - ha!). Some of the other actors including Tyler Hoechlin who you probably remember from Seventh Heaven and a new star, beautiful and talented, Holland Roden who becomes the love interest for Scott's Best friend, Stiles. Stiles brings the comedy to the show as a dorky and sarcastic teen who "never gets the girl." You will laugh, cry, and be left on the edge of your seat until the very end. It just ended it's second season this week, but will be back on in the fall and MTV has boasted it is one of their highest rated shows ever so I don't see it going anywhere, anytime soon!
5.) Days Of Our Lives:
I am going old school! I have been watching DOOL since I was a baby and I have grown up with alot of the characters, many of them still on the show today. I know most people do not like soap operas because they tend to drag on and on with storylines, but Days has really stepped up with a new writing team and a new generation of talented actors and actresses to make this show a continued success. It started in 1971 and is one of very few soaps still on air today. A few years ago, their ratings went drastically down and they revamped the show calling it Days 2.0. They completely remodeled their set, changed alot of their dragging storylines, brought back some old faces such as Marlena Evans, whom the show is pretty much centered around along with the villian, Stefano Dimera. They also brought in a new set of people to connect with the younger audience and so far, it has worked out wonderful. If you need an hour a day to sit down and just escape from life, you would love spending time daily in Salem and after 26 years, I still can't seem to stop watching. Some of my greatest memories are those spent watching Days with my Granny Wilson. We had a nightly ritual that she would run me a hot bath, my papaw would light the kerosene heater and make me a bowl of Choc Chip Cookie Dough ice cream, and then we would pop our VHS tape in that they had recorded that day and we would all watch Days together. Now that she is gone, my dad and I still carry on that family tradition and watch it together when we can. Some of my favorite storylines going on right now are the love between a young couple named Melanie and Chad, the recent gas explosion and the chaos it left behind, Sami and EJs constant love affair, and the story between a woman named Nicole who desperately wants a child and is finally pregnant (which hits home for us).
6.) One Born Every Minute:
This show is riveting and well written and produced. It is a show based on real life parents at a real life hospital preparing to have their baby. It gives an in depth look at the family and how the baby is going to change their life. They have covered mothers who have experienced loss, those fighting cancer, even teen moms giving their baby a better life via adoption. I have watched alot of baby shows, but this one is on my list because it is classy and deep, not just a quick glimpse of what happens on that special day. It is narrated by Jamie Curtis and her voice makes the show so intimate and believable, so much so that you almost feel like you are there. I wasn't able to find out if this show is coming back for another season, but they do often show re-runs on Discovery Health.
7.) One Tree Hill:
I saved this one for last because it is deep in my heart. If you want a show that will change your life and make you want to chase your dreams, OTH is the show. Although it starts based on high school teenagers and life in a small North Carolina town, it ends up being so much more than that. After a few seasons, the show decided to fast forward into the character's lives by four years and it made you feel that you had followed them every step of their journey from childhood to adulthood. It follows two brothers, Lucas and Nathan who have the same father, Dan, but different mothers. Nathan's life is high class, his mother and father are married, they live in a huge house, and Dan even owns the town's car dealership. Lucas on the other hand never knew Dan and was raised by his mother and his uncle, Keith. Someone spots Lucas practicing basketball on the rivercourt and realizes that he is just as talented as Nathan...so he decides to try out for the team and that forces Nathan to be a part of his life - which he is not happy with. This show really pushes the envelope on how to deal with events in today's society. They did the very first school shooting on a televised show after Columbine. That episode changed alot of people's lives including mine. It was well written and dug deep into what it probably felt like to be in a school with a shooter who has nothing left to live for. What is deeper is what happens AFTER the shooter has given up, we see that Dan has such hatred for his brother Keith, sees an opportunity to get rid of him, and picks up the gun to kill him. It was the moment in OTH history that everyone can never forget and that is just one of many memories you will remember if you watch the show.
So, there you have it... my list of the seven shows I think you need to see! I had alot of fun writing this post and it was nice to post something other than pictures of my kiddos or my life frustrations - although that is much needed too. If you all watch any of these shows and like them because of my post, please comment and let me know. It's friday - the perfect time to rent season one of these shows, come home, and relax :)
I ask this question because of all the recent uproar over same sex marriage and the Chick Fil A arguments that are plastered on every news channel and social media outlet in the world. As a Christian, I was really saddened by the bickering I saw and heard firsthand at the hands of people that I admired or sought wisdom and comfort in. I know we all have our opinions and thanks to those who fight for our freedom, we have the ability to express those opinions whichever way we choose...however, I feel that America has it all wrong - and I'm going to tell you why.
I know that many of you will disagree with me and that is fine, just remember, we all sin and sin is sin and we are told specifically not to judge others. Let's look at the facts before I tell you how i'm feeling and how I came to my own conclusions. I did extensive research before I made the decision to post this information along with my opinions.
The divorce rate in the United States as of April 2012 is right at 51%. Second and Third marriages see an increase of up to 78%. This means that half the children in our society today are faced with the feelings that come along with divorce including loneliness, anger, bitterness, insecurity, and abandonment. Divorce in our country is due to the lack of values and understanding the meaning of commitment, loyalty, responsibility and the will to work together to sustain the family united - in my humble opinion. Marriage is a commitment made between to people, to care and support each other to fulfill their goals and objectives to enable each other to contribute to the economic and welfare of the family. A family that is united by love is a family that will endure any thing; love, trust and unity are the key elements of a successful marriage. I am not acting like I am a professional in the area of marriage, but we have to face the facts. The sanctity of marriage is not going away because men are wanting to marry men or women are wanting to marry women, the sanctity of marriage is going away because we as a society have become pushy, impatient, angry, bitter, and in a sense, unloveable. I am by no means supporting gay marriage or saying that it is okay, I am simply saying that the hate that is being spread is not okay and I refuse to participate in any of it.
I cannot imagine being a gay person in the world today. It had to have been really hard for them to endure Chick Fil A Day and all the uproar that came with it. I was shocked to see how many of my loving, Christian friends not only supported it but posted pictures of it boasting proudly that they were against gay marriage. Some research was done directly after that day and found that up to 8 gay people took their own lives in result of what took place. Eight People felt so hated, so beat up, so unloved, that they killed themself.
That brings me to my next thought...I want to lead people to Christ, not torment them to hell or suicide.
You can love the sinner without loving the sin but passing judgement on them just puts your life under a microscope and also turns those people away from God because of YOU. I don't want to be the person that stands in the way from someone wanting a relationship with Christ.
I want to be the person that helps people to get to him and be around his people as much as possible. I understand that they are the only one who can seek him into their heart, but I don't want them to ever turn away because of my hurtful judgements or to pass up going to church because of "people like that". Could you imagine being in their shoes? I sure couldn't.
I saw people posting bible verses and while I understand that the bible is clear on marriage being between man and woman, I had to think of all the other things that the bible is clear on that we do not do on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. I just don't understand why people are so quick to judge others instead of looking at their own life. I have so many things in my life I need to deal with. My relationship with Christ is better than ever, but that brings on a feeling of maturity and responsibility to grow in your faith. When God came into my heart, I experienced pure joy, but I did not experience hatred for other people - no matter what type of sinning they were a part of. If you want to support people and show them what being a Christian means, then by all means, please do. But, all I ask is that you love them like Jesus. I had to think about the age old question, what would Jesus do? Would he be walking into Chick Fil A eating at a place simply because they are against same sex marriage? Or better yet, would he be using the money spent on an average meal at Chick Fil A which is $7.11 to feed up to 7 other hungry people. Chick Fil A saw a 42% increase in Sales (according to some reports) on that day which meant that they grossed about 1.7 million extra in sales - if that info is correct (again, i'm no stastics expert, just went digging around the internet).
How many hungry people could have been fed with 1.7 MILLION DOLLARS?
When asked about the day, this is what the President of Chick Fil A had to say:
Chick-fil-A says it set a sales record on Wednesday, the day that supporters rallied around the fast-food chain amid a debate over its president's opposition to same-sex marriage.
The chain said it won't release sales numbers, but "we can confirm reports that it was a record-setting day," said Steve Robinson, Chick-fil-A's executive vice president of marketing.
Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee had called on people to buy food at the chain on Wednesday, which he dubbed "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day," after a backlash against the company and their president.
So, it lead me to think..what did this accomplish?
Was there one person saved? Was there anybody turned away from being Gay? Did someone realize that they were going to hell and changed their ways? Did we feed the hungry or raise money for those in need? As far as I know, the answer to all of these is quite possibly no.
But did we spread hatred? Did we draw a line between gays and straights? Did we allow people to commit what many believe to be a hate crime? Did we hurt the lives of many people along the way? The answer to that is a quick YES. We did alot of damage... and we probably pushed many people even farther away from Jesus and the church. If you were gay and were thinking about visiting church or possibly trying to learn about the bible, would you want to after seeing all of this? I know I sure wouldn't. I would feel unloved, dirty, and a lost cause.
But, the thing is, we are all lost causes. We all fall short of the glory of God. ALL of us. Gay people, straight people, married people, unmarried people, black people, white people, moms, dads, murderers, liars, thiefs, adulterers, the list goes on and on....
In today's society, it is becoming harder and harder to receive acceptance from those around you. We have seen a huge uprise in teen suicide for that same reason. I feel that by us participating in things like this, we are starting a generation of "haters" that will go to all lengths to pass judgement on others - which in return leaves little time to worry about the judgement of ourselves. I worry that my children will someday be faced with those same harsh criticisms if they are, in the eyes of society, different.
This is simply my opinion which I felt led to share. I am just a person striving to love Jesus with all my heart, mind, and soul. I have struggled in every aspect of my life and I know firsthand how it feels to be unaccepted, unloved, even hated. I am a mom who truly wants to try to change the world for my children and my peers. I am a wife who is thankful that in the midst of what seems to be the highest divorce rate ever, my marriage is standing on solid ground. I am a sinner, just as we all are, and I fall short of the glory of God every single day of my life ... but oh how he loves me anyway. How we fills me with such pure joy and happiness that no words can describe.
I don't want to ever stand in the way of someone else getting the chance to experience that.
We can bring alot more people to Christ by showing his love than we ever could by showing our hate or judgements.
I have to say the last 13 days have been HORRIBLE for me. As if it wasn't bad enough that we had a multitude of awful things happen to our family, unexpected bills and mishaps, and school registration, etc. I woke up on a Sunday morning having some horrible tooth pain and it felt as if it was moving into my jaw. I took some tylenol and spent most of the day in bed. On Monday, I woke up at 4am and was numb on the right side of my face all the way through my jaw - and not the good kind of numb but the kind that throbs uncontrollably.
By that Friday, I was begging to go to the hospital. They tried to tell me that I had an abscess tooth which I knew I didn't because I had one two years ago and had none of these current symptoms. On Saturday, I was finally diagnosed with Mandibular Cellulitis. If you have no idea what it is, trust me, you don't ever want to experience it and find out first hand.
It is basically a staph infection that seeps from a tooth into your jaw. It was causing my jaw to try to break thru so that the pus could exit, but it had nowhere to go. Finally, yesterday, after I slept for about nine hours straight and had two different antiobiotics over ten days, it broke thru my gum (again very painful) close to one of my front teeth and started seeping faster than we could get it out of my mouth.
So, that's where I have been the last two weeks. The boys started school this week and I didn't even get to take them or get pictures of them. I will try to capture some memories this week if possible. I hope and pray that all of you sending kids off this week had a wonderful time with your kids and didn't cry too much ;)
Before I go, I do have a few prayer requests:
My uncle, John Kennedy, has had been experiencing horrible pain in his neck and back. At some point last week, he was attempting to get to a hospital and had to be rushed by ambulance because they thought he was having a heart attack or stroke. It turned out he was having some major nerve issues and on Friday he had to have surgery on his neck. He was supposed to feel relief and be released but I am being told that he is still in severe pain and is not healing like they had hoped.
My friends, Maggie and Nathan Wilson, just welcomed a baby girl yesterday named Alyson and my friends, Melanie and Spence Bruner welcomed a baby boy this week too! Please pray for a speedy recovery for both ladies and that the babies are welcome into their lives with ease.
Erica Howard is expecting a baby this year. I posted about her tragic loss of her baby girl last year. We had previous miscarriages together and I felt led to ask for prayers for her along this pregnancy.
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