Leave the mending to the Mender, love.

It's a simple title yet so big you cannot really put into words.  What does that word even mean? and how did I get where I am today? I want to start by saying that God works in such a big way even when we do not think he is working.  As I sat at my computer tonight (on Facebook just doodling to be honest), I started getting really tired (two kids will do that to you) and decided I would just call my husband who is still at work and tell him I was going to go to bed early and watch a movie.  The kids are already in bed so it's quiet and I've had a bit of a hectic day so the last thing I wanted to do was come here and blog.

So, here I am of course. (ha!)

In a split second decision after talking to my husband and realizing he was already on his way home and I should stay up and wait for him, I decided to go read a blog I read often called "Bring The Rain."  It is written by Christian Author Angie Smith who started this blog after a diagnosis during pregnancy that left her wondering "why?". It is also in memory of her precious daughter Audrey that passed away soon after birth and she shares some of the most intimate moments of her life as not only a mom, wife, and author, but also as a woman of God who sometimes struggles with the everyday things that get us down.  She is such an inspiration to so many people, but today her words lifted me out of my seat and honestly, set a fire to my soul.  I had that "exactly what I needed to read" moment that we all at some point in our lives seem to have when someone is sharing a story that you swear they wrote for you. 

She wrote Leave the mending to the Mender, love.

Those of you who read my blog know that I am going through a huge situation right now with my family and that in the past, I have endured two tragic miscarriages that have left me feeling not good enough and broken.  In a way, that seems to be the theme for my life in general.  I didn't have the best relationship with my parents at times and as a teen I got into alot of things that left me feeling shameful and really lost.  I got pregnant as a teenager and felt the right thing to do was get married so I jumped into that as well and in some ways, failed miserably.  I struggled with being a young mom and let the people in my life drag me down and tell me I wasn't good enough.  Then, at 21, I ended up pregnant again.  My family wasn't of much help and my husband was working long hours to put food on the table.  I felt like there just had to be a better life out there for me.

In the meantime, I became bitter, angry, resentful, hurt, and... lost. 

These last few weeks, I have thought alot about the babies that I never got the chance to meet.  Our first we found out for sure was a girl that we chose to name Allie and I often wonder what she would be doing today in her little toddler life.  Would she have blonde hair like her oldest brother or be spunky like little man?  Would she have her daddy wrapped around her finger or be a total mommy's girl that loved pink and shopping.  But then, other thoughts come to mind...

What if she was sick and God knew that I couldn't handle that at the time in my life? After all, he knows every bit of our future as much as our past and he does things for the good of us even though we don't deserve it. I stopped wanting to question why she wasn't here and started wanting to praise him for the two children that I did have here on Earth.  Praising him for the other angels we lost that made us realize just how precious life is.  I praise him for the wonderful life he has given me.  The fact that I chose to get married at 19 because I was ashamed I was pregnant yet he gave me a man I call my best friend and after 10 years of marriage, here we are, happier than ever.  Maybe these angels were meant to touch the lives of others as well.  After all, this blog wouldn't even be here today had I not lost my precious little Allie Grace.  I would not have my dear friend, Courtney, who I met because someone had sent her the link to my blog when she lost her sister. 

I now have plans to start a group for women who have suffered the loss of a child and we hope to grow into something as big as what God wants us to be.  I have used my pain and tragedy to impact the lives of others and in return, my heart has mended.  Even writing this blog post tonight has been an eye opener for me.  When I saw on her blog that she was asking women to write about their own mending experiences, I didn't realize how healing it would be.  I just wanted to come here and have the chance to write a post and win a really cool prize (Angie is giving away a spa package to one lucky winner and a friend so I thought why not?) but now as I finish up this blog I realize that I've already won. 

You can find Angie's Blog Bring The Rain at http://angiesmithonline.com/.

The reason for this blog contest is to celebrate the release of her all new book. It is wonderfully titled Mended and you can purchase by clicking on either link below: (I am not tech savvy and haven't figured out how to simplify these so excuse the long link.)

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mended-angie-smith/1111318078?ean=9781433676604

http://www.amazon.com/Mended-Pieces-Life-Made-Whole/dp/1433676605/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1347327784&sr=8-1&keywords=mended+angie+smith

If you decide to purchase the book, please let me know as I would love to hear how amazing it is!  I will probably go this week to purchase my own copy and share at women's group next week!  I would also love to hear stories of how God has mended your life so feel free to leave me a comment or even a long story in my email at ashleywilsonjackson@gmail.com.  I would feel so blessed to win this because I just don't take enough time to do things with friends and I know exactly who I would take with me. 

And, if you or someone you know is struggling with something in your life, remember not only what she wrote but his promise...

Leave the mending to the Mender, love.

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11 - For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.