Fly High, Little One...

I’m sitting here mystified and numbed with pain
To lose someone so close, yet so far away.
Some say you can’t lose something you never had
If that’s true than how can I feel this sad?

I felt more close to you, my child
More than anyone else around me
Because I felt you so deep within me.
So small no eye could see
Yet so full of life was felt already.

Disbelief and uncertainty consume my brain
As the tears fall like rain,
Heart pounding hard, feels like thunder
The sorrow and anguish down under just can’t be explained.

Was I being punished for a sin I committed?
Was I to learn something from this and just didn’t get it?
Please God answer me… what did I do to deserve this?
Does he know how much I love him?
Cuz it’s your job now to tell him!
I already miss him… I’d do anything to kiss him…
To hold him and embrace the mere presence of him.

I can only hope for one of these days
he comes back to me, this time to stay.
To find it deep within his heart
To give me the chance for a brand new start..

Designer Saturday: Functionality and Feel Of Master Bedroom

First things first, here is my new furniture! This picture does not give it justice at all.

I absolutely love the rich color of the wood, not to mention I upgraded to a king.. :)

As most of you know, my heart dreams of becoming an interior designer. Living in a small town doesn't really give me that opportunity, but after I found out we could possibly be relocating to a bigger town, I started drawing up designs and dreams if it ever becomes a reality for me. Today I wanted to talk about the "feel of a master bedroom." This is a statement that Candice Olsen often makes on HGTV. You want your master to function the way you need it - some use their master just for sleep, others to relax, other describe it as a "romance cave." (hehe, that last one I made up!) so mainly I wanted to talk about the feel of a space. The picture above shows a room that is so functional. The pros are that it looks spacious and comfortable and that there is no "junk". The cons are that they have large pictures of children above their bed. If you could have ONE place in your house that is kind of a space just for you and your significant other, this is the place. I recommend putting up pictures only of you and your spouse and make this the place that reminds you of your relationship, your love, your dedication, etc.. 

When I started designing my master bedroom, this is the picture that I used to decide what I wanted my master bedroom to look and feel like. I am working on the sand colored walls and also a nice, clean, sleek sofa for the end of the bed. My new bedroom furniture was delivered last week and can I mention it is so nice to have a king size bed! I will be posting once a week about design ideas and tips so if you would like to continue to read my blog, make sure you click the follower button on the left!

One Month

It has been one month since we lost our baby and not a day goes by that I don't do the normal "what if's". You try to find a new normal after you have lost a child. I have had 3 miscarriages prior to this miscarriage and I truly understand that every miscarriage is different, but the real struggle was the labor and actually having to see the baby that just shakes your world as you know it.

Some of you have asked a few questions that I wanted to try to answer. The first was how we actually found out the sex of the baby. We did not know the sex of the baby so we chose to have testing done to find out and also to test for chromosome abnormalities. A few people asked how I got so sick so quick. Without being too graphic, I did not pass my afterbirth until two days later and I was at home alone so I decided to bag it up and take it straight to the hospital as well. They did testing there to learn that I had a staph infection and we are not sure whether I had it before or after. I had a urinary tract infection one month prior to this and any and all meds were just not clearing it up. I haven't been very healthy for about two years especially after my 3rd miscarriage last November where I bled for 60 days straight after and had many other complications. We believe that there was some negligence on part of our medical staff because of things they said and did prior to the loss of our child, but we have since contact a lawyer and a specialist and plan to pursue legal action if necessary. The last question seems to be either can we get pregnant again or will we try again and the answer is YES. We were given the okay to try again as of June 19th. We do plan to try again with no meds and we are also looking into fostering and adoption.

I am so lucky that I have had so many friends to help me get through all of this and carry me along the way. I have people writing me everyday telling me how my story touched their life. I encourage you to make a donation in Allie's honor if you are lead to do so. Thank you for everything and as long as I have people reading, I will continue to share my story...

I will eventually be sharing a picture of our baby. This picture is very graphic in nature. I will simply post a link to the photo and those of you who have asked to see her and pray for her and spend time seeing her can choose to look at the photo or print. Please do not share this photo with anyone else without my permission. I will edit this post with the link when I have finished.

Boys, Prayers, Baseball, and Storms!

My husband met a family while working in Pikeville that have a 4 year old son

suffering from Brain and Spine Cancer. Please pray for comfort and recovery for

Justin Tollett. I cannot imagine and what he and his family is going through.

I met these little boys via an adoption and fostering website. I have been extensively

researching what life would be like IF Dj and I decided adoption or fostering

would fit in with our family plan. If we did decide to go this direction, we would be looking

for older children and possibly siblings. I didn't expect to fall in love just through pictures

but those faces are just too much for one mommy's heart to handle - how cute are they?

Please pray that no matter they end up, they get a good loving forever home

and that they are not split up. The oldest, Tommy, is very protective over his brothers

and it would be a tragedy for someone to adopt them and not him.

This is Ace's first year playing baseball and his dad's work actually was the sponsor.

How cute are these kids too? I love to see them be so funny out on the field.
We have had HORRIBLE storms in Tennessee this week and we are under tornado watch tonight until 8pm. Ace has his last game and then I am supposed to drive 2 hours to Nashville to spend a little time with husband and then drive back home - I know, i'm the best wife ever :)

SYTYC..dance,dance,dance...

I just cannot get enough of this show! If you are not watching, you are missing out. It comes on Wednesday 8/7 and Thursday 9/8 on Fox if you would like to check it out! Go Chris!!!

Throughout the weekend, I will be posting some youtube videos of my favorite dances from past seasons. What are your favorites?