My Week In Pictures!

One thing I absolutely love about being a mom to boys is being on the ballfield. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I grew up near the fields because my father played softball twice a week and every single weekend my whole childhood. I have been to almost every single ballfield in the south and spent most of my weekends living in hotels to support my dad and his team. When I found out Blaze was a boy, I remember being so happy to have another reason to live on the field.. after all, I don't do dirt any other way.

I could say alot of things about Blaze and how amazing he is on the field. He always listens and has such a heart for his friends that play too. I think he has learned so much from playing ball - but not just about the sport, also about life. He has improved so much since he started playing three years ago... and that is all thanks to the wonderful man in this picture, Mickey Griffin. Mickey has been Blaze's coach for the last three years. He is also Blaze's football coach and will be Blaze's basketball coach as well if we are not relocated before the season starts. He is a wonferful man of God, an amazing father, and a great rolemodel for all the children he works with. Everyone who knows him talks about how great of a person he is both on and off the field. He loves these kids so much more than just a coach does - He made a heartfelt speech during the trophy awards about how he misses them and prays for them and loves them and wants the best for them both on and off the field. It takes a man of God to be able to be such a good role model and pour out his feelings emotionally. He is always so upbeat and positive and even though Friday's loss was our first loss in TWO YEARS (that is a big deal for a bunch of first graders!) he took it with grace and was very humble. I don't know if he will ever read my blog, but if he does, I just want to say thank you and tell him that we love and appreciate him and pray for him too. My kids will look back and see what a great coach they had and he laid the groundwork for them to be great ballplayers! Maybe when they make it pro, they can buy him a car or mansion to make up for it! ha!!

Blaze's team went un-defeated 10-0 however during tournaments, they lost their 1st game by 2 points. My son learned how to eat humble pie and it was a good lesson to learn. After winning every game, he cried for a good two hours over his loss. His really close friend, Hayden, was on the other team so he was happy it was her team instead of another that he didn't know. We are proud of her and her team for coming back and doing so good. We love you, Hayden!
This is the group of wild and crazy kids we took to see Cars 2 on Friday night. I also have to mention we had an infant and a 2 year old with us also - and just 3 moms! They did an amazing job and even the baby never made a sound through the whole thing. I made treat bags for all the kids to share after the movie and although it was late, we managed to snap this one picture.

My husband is in Nashville on business and thanks to some friends, I got to go stay the night down there Friday night kid free :) I love my kids, but I love my husband and we barely get the chance to even hug each other at night before bed muchless spend a night together or go out to dinner. Needless to say, he was very busy so I headed home and just happened to stop by my favorite store in the whole world, Coach. They had some awesome deals going on and I walked away with two much needed purses - but I had to promise not to buy another purse all year first! I also got the boys some things from the Nike outlet and then headed home!

Ace also received a trophy for the end of his season. He was so happy he lost his game because that meant he got his trophy for the season! His coach's name is Billy Dale. Billy used to work with DJ and his daughter, Ava, also went to preschool with Ace. We were lucky that he was such a great coach and was so dedicated to the children. It takes alot of patience to teach 8 pre-schoolers to love and appreciate the game. Ace was not ummmm as athletically inclined as his brother. When he found out there was no hitting or wrestling involved in the game, he said he'd rather play football. Again, this is why I love having boys :)

Finally, I wanted to share with you where I spend alot of time blogging. When we bought this house last fall, I just knew many days and nights would be spent watching my kiddos play in the pool and I was so right! They have not wanted to get out of the water all day - even when it gets dark. We have had such horrible storms that we haven't been able to enjoy it as much, but they have had the chance to have some friends over and stuff - and I have such an easy time writing when I am out in the fresh air listening to my babies laugh and have fun.

I am so incredibly blessed to call stay at home mom and wife as my job title. I cannot imagine missing any of these moments with my family. I am so blessed to have a husband who would sacrifice and work hard so that I can stay at home and be the mom they need and deserve. I cannot express enough how thankful I feel for being here everyday for every nap and every step and every meal and every moment :)

If you don't laugh at this, I will give you a dollar :)

I'm perfect.

Don't let the post title fool you, I don't think I am perfect. I just wanted to get the point across that things sometimes seem as they aren't. I want to share with my blog friends because I love you and you all have poured out love and respect to me for the posts I have written so far. I have gotten numerous calls, messages, and e-mails from women, mothers, and even fathers who have thanked me for being so raw and honest about what happened to my family when we lost our child. In today's society, miscarriage is seen as some thing where first you were pregnant and then you weren't. There was no labor, no birth, no child, it was just a "miscarriage". The word just makes me sick. To me, the only word is death. I lost a child that was conceived out of love and given to me by God.

Six months ago, I was approached by a friend who told me that was a small town website that anyone could post anything on and someone had gotten on there and called me horrible names, used my full name, and made comments I would not speak even about my worst enemy. They made comments about me being a gold digger, acting like a brat, appearing "perfect". It hurt not only me but also my family and my close friends. It is so easy to write words, but the pain of those words is permanent. I know you are probably wondering what one story has to do with the other - well it is to drive home the point that sometimes things are nothing as they seem.

I have been very happily married to my husband for 8 years and he is my best friend, BUT there was a time in my relationship where I moved out, filed divorce papers, spent hours dividing up my assets, and couldn't stand to even be in the same room with my husband.

We are very lucky that my husband has a great job and we have the material things we always dreamed of, BUT we got married at the tender age of 19 and always struggled just to put food on the table. I recall a day when it was snowing outside, Blaze was an infant, and we had no heat because we could not pay the bill. We had to go next door and beg our neighbor to let him come sleep at their house just so he wouldn't get sick.

I have two wonderful little boys that are the center of my world, BUT I have been struggling with infertility, unexplained uterine bleeding, endometriosis, endometrial hyperplasia, bowel complications, iron deficiency anemia, and continous infections. I have four precious babies, the last at 14 weeks gestation. My heart aches at every single baby shower, every birthday party, every pregnancy announcement. Sometimes I choose to avoid my friends and family altogether because of the jealousy and bitterness.

I have people who help around the house (maid, gardener, nanny..etc.), BUT the people working for me were hired when I was too sick to do my jobs on my own. When you are a mom and you cannot even care for your children, your home, or your husband, you lose your self worth. I remember laying the bed staring around me realizing my house was a mess, my kids had nobody taking care of them, and the laundry was piled all around me. It's a bitter pill to swallow that you realize you cannot care for yourself let alone anyone else.

The point is - my life is not perfect... Yes, I have all the things I could ever dream of, but I am still human. I won't even begin to pour out the hurt, grief, and anger I still carry from my childhood and the lasting effect those things had on my life. I want you all to know that I am normal just like you and I share my story, my pictures, my life to help and encourage others. I hope you all enjoy my blog as much as I do writing.

I learned today that a woman read my blog and decided not to have an abortion. She contacted me via e-mail and told me that my story hurt her heart in ways that she didn't think it could. She may still choose adoption and if she does, I will update her story but please pray for her on this journey and praise God that a child's life was saved even if it meant I had to share my story of loss.

My next posts will be some of my favorite So You Think You Can Dance routines from the last few years I have been watching it.... and I encourage you all to leave me comments so I know somebody is actually listening.. that makes it all so worth it. Also, please become a follower using the "follow me" button. Once my blog designer is finished with the design, this blog will be private so if you are reading and we do not know it, you will no longer be able to read the blog.

Fly High, Little One...

I’m sitting here mystified and numbed with pain
To lose someone so close, yet so far away.
Some say you can’t lose something you never had
If that’s true than how can I feel this sad?

I felt more close to you, my child
More than anyone else around me
Because I felt you so deep within me.
So small no eye could see
Yet so full of life was felt already.

Disbelief and uncertainty consume my brain
As the tears fall like rain,
Heart pounding hard, feels like thunder
The sorrow and anguish down under just can’t be explained.

Was I being punished for a sin I committed?
Was I to learn something from this and just didn’t get it?
Please God answer me… what did I do to deserve this?
Does he know how much I love him?
Cuz it’s your job now to tell him!
I already miss him… I’d do anything to kiss him…
To hold him and embrace the mere presence of him.

I can only hope for one of these days
he comes back to me, this time to stay.
To find it deep within his heart
To give me the chance for a brand new start..

Designer Saturday: Functionality and Feel Of Master Bedroom

First things first, here is my new furniture! This picture does not give it justice at all.

I absolutely love the rich color of the wood, not to mention I upgraded to a king.. :)

As most of you know, my heart dreams of becoming an interior designer. Living in a small town doesn't really give me that opportunity, but after I found out we could possibly be relocating to a bigger town, I started drawing up designs and dreams if it ever becomes a reality for me. Today I wanted to talk about the "feel of a master bedroom." This is a statement that Candice Olsen often makes on HGTV. You want your master to function the way you need it - some use their master just for sleep, others to relax, other describe it as a "romance cave." (hehe, that last one I made up!) so mainly I wanted to talk about the feel of a space. The picture above shows a room that is so functional. The pros are that it looks spacious and comfortable and that there is no "junk". The cons are that they have large pictures of children above their bed. If you could have ONE place in your house that is kind of a space just for you and your significant other, this is the place. I recommend putting up pictures only of you and your spouse and make this the place that reminds you of your relationship, your love, your dedication, etc.. 

When I started designing my master bedroom, this is the picture that I used to decide what I wanted my master bedroom to look and feel like. I am working on the sand colored walls and also a nice, clean, sleek sofa for the end of the bed. My new bedroom furniture was delivered last week and can I mention it is so nice to have a king size bed! I will be posting once a week about design ideas and tips so if you would like to continue to read my blog, make sure you click the follower button on the left!