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This is a picture of what my mantel looked like last fall. I am patiently waiting for my favorite season to come back around :) There is just something about fall that makes me soooo happy - I think it might be the combination of warm nights, cool days, hoodies, bonfires, and FOOTBALL! Not to mention, my favorite season for SHOPPING! But, I didn't post this picture for the mantel - I wanted everyone to see the word family. How much does this word mean to you? Well for some, it doesn't mean much. Family is just another word for more people you can belittle and abuse for some and for others, it means everything. My family means everything to me and I will do anything to protect them. I feel like a mama bear and her cubs. I consider my family to be - my grandparents, my dad, my husband, and my sons along with people that are not blood related and some cousins, neices, nephews, etc. I do not think that just because you are related, you are considered family - and that is where my rambling will start. I am in no way trying to hurt anyone or drag out the drama - I have just had enough. I have tried so hard to stay quiet and give it all to God, but when someone brings it up and will not let it go, it takes alot of control to just sit back and let them dig your name in the mud. When I lost my child, it changed my heart and soul! It changed me in ways that only God knew I could change. I don't take things so serious and I have found the bigger picture along the way, however, there is still that part of me who cannot stand for someone to gossip about me - when the statements they are making are not true! I am not saying that I am perfect and looking back, I am realizing that I did not handle myself with the class and dignity I know I truly have. I know that there were times I could have done more or said more - or showed a different emotion that just my normal "blah" I sometimes give. I realize that it takes a long time to get to know me and that some people see that as me being "snotty". I also realize that God expects us to respect our elders, however, I feel that he knows my heart and he knows the truth about where I am coming from and why I am so upset with the whole situation.
I have some family members that I have a very hard time getting along with and have for years. It has always been a battle to get along, but for the last six months it has gotten alot worse. I will not post too much here because I do respect my family and don't want to air out all of our laundry for the world to read, but I will say that I feel that they have disrespected myself, my husband, my children, and our loss in the worst way. It is mainly 1 or 2 members that I am having issues with and I have been close to these people in the past only to have it backfire on me by them using our conversations to accuse me of being mean or cruel. You cannot trust anyone in today's world and that is such a shame - but I hold tight to my beliefs and I do not feel that I have done them wrong as they have me and especially my children. We had a "blowout" after we lost our baby and not one single person called to check on us. Then, when I confronted them about it, they took to Facebook to slander the situation... the "situation" being our child's loss. I realized then that I just had to remove myself and my family from the situation altogether - but how do you do that and not have an explanation for your children. Since then, I have heard nothing but gossip, lies, and slander that are being told to our mutual friends and family. I cannot believe some of the things that they are claiming. They are telling children in our life that we said they were "bad kids" and they have even accused me of having jealousy issues over a baby! When I first heard this, I literally thought it was a joke. I don't find myself being jealous of people too often - it is just something I have never really had too much of. Anyone who knows me knows that I love babies! I don't understand how anyone could even think up a situation where I could be jealous of a baby - especially when my husband and I plan to have more children. It's not like i'm a grandmother and can't make some more of my own! Sheesh!! It would be one thing if the doctor told us we could not have children, but the doctor seems to think there is no reason we will not get pregnant again - so I have a husband, i'm only 27, we are financially stable, we have a home, and I plan to have more children... what is the reasoning behind the jealousy again? I clearly do not see how they could feel that way. This child was a suprise to the family, but a blessing none the less and I by no means felt like I was treating them different. All I know is that my children started being treated different and it was hurting them deeply. I had to deal with the aftermath of that along with the questions and concerns they have now - and it is hard for a mom to swallow someone hurting their babies. I do feel that there are some issues of jealousy from other people because they see just how blessed I am (I promise I am not bragging, just trying to make a point) and that is why they felt they had the one thing I wanted (a baby, especially a girl) and continually threw it in my face. For instance, they had not showed up to one single baseball game for the boys and then all of the sudden, they show up with the baby, put the baby right in front of me, it was like they were making sure my heart ached over my fertility struggles. They left after ten minutes of being there. To an outsider looking in, I think everyone would agree that they were not there for my children - so do not bother showing up at all in my humble opinion. I don't want to say anything else, I just really had to vent because it has bothered me so much - but I am counting my blessings tonight as I sit here with my children and my husband just text me and told me he is so "in love with me." That's a pretty good thing to hear after you have been married 8 years!
I encourage all my readers to pray for peace and comfort in our family - and pray for these people who are effecting the lives of young people. My children are not dealing well with this because they were close with these people and they are also involving other children in the drama and it is just heartbreaking. Please pray that they realize their ways and make changes so that we can continue to give our children the life they deserve.
I want our baby to look down from Heaven and be proud of how we have handled this situation because I know she is shining down on us - and I think she would be proud that I have not went crazy! (And it's true that I do not have a baby girl in my arms, but I do have one in Heaven waiting on me!!)
Speaking of children, the boys above still need help finding a forever home. I wish with all my heart that DJ and I could adopt them - and we did consider it or possibly twin girls we had contact with, but at the end of the day, we realize that DJ's job situation makes it unfair for us to bring more children into this that are older and would not understand. For someone to take in boys that are ages 9,6, and 4, they would need a father at home full time to teach them how to become young men - and DJ just does not have that kind of time right now. That makes us uneligible for any type of adoption at the moment so we went back to our original plan of trying to conceive naturally. We go back on August 4th to see if we are currently pregnant and then go from there - if we are pregnant, we will be considered high risk all nine months and I will spend the first and last 12 weeks on bedrest along with 2x a week doctor's visits and if we are not pregnant, we are still praying as to whether we should try one round of Clomid and Metformin or if we should try naturally for 6 more months. Either way, God is good. He has done so much more for us than we deserve and he has given us two beautiful boys that we both adore.
Landon Ace Jackson turned 5 on May 30th and will be starting Kindergarten in 2 weeks! I cannot believe my baby is no longer a baby!! It is going to be crazy in this house all week with no kids and just me! I welcome the peace though - ha! Okay, back to Ace, he is always looking to be the center of attention. His favorite thing to do is show people his wrestling moves. He wants to be a WWE Superstar when he grows up. He is a total mommy's boy and it melts my heart. He is our little trouble maker, but seems to get out of it with those long eyelashes and sweet words. He is alot different than his brother. He is the last one in bed at night and the first one up in the morning. He is a total snack and drink-aholic. This kid makes life exciting! I am so proud of the little man he has become. He just finished up his first season of t-ball and will be playing football this season. I look forward to watching him grow into the young man I know he will be. I am so honored to be his mommy. I hope someday he can read this and know just how much his mommy - and daddy - truly love him and his brother. 
Colton Blaze Jackson is 7 1/2 years old and starting the second grade. I have no idea where my little boy went! He is very good academically and was on the honor roll all last year - (I meant to post that last month, bad mommy moment!) and even won the Good Citizenship Award and other awards in Math and Spelling. He ended up with a 99.6 average in Math which I find amusing since I excelled in school, but had a Math tutor all my life even in college. He must have gotten that from his father. He really wants to be in a band and loves to play the drums and sing with me. He is always in my room asking me to sing with him and he tells me I have a beautiful voice. He is the calmer of the two and he wears his heart for all to see. When we experienced our miscarriage, he cried for days. He got that from his mommy, poor thing! The most important thing about Blaze is what an amazing brother he is. He adores Ace and hangs on his every word. They have been attached at the hip this summer and those are the memories I will never forget. I can't imagine being jealous of anyone else when I have such a blessed life right here at home :) Blaze is also very attached to his "poppi" - that's my dad - and calls him almost every night. I love to see that my dad's life is now all about his grandkids.
I meant to post this last week but DJ asked me to go to lunch with him and on the way back, he pulled into Gigi's Boutique (If you are in the area, you must check it out. They are also on facebook at www.facebook.com/gigisboutique!) and bought me a charm for my Pandora bracelet he bought me for mother's day. This bracelet means so much to me mainly because right after he bought it I found out I was pregnant with baby number three, then lost her, then went through a really dark place and I have charms that stand for all of those moments. The charm he chose meant so much to me. After I lost the baby, I went to a store and they had this baby elephant figurine. It came with a paper that explained what elephants mean in Chinese and they mean good luck and good fortune. After that, I went elephant crazy as a sense of comfort. Everything I found of elephants, I bought. So, he chose an elephant charm for me - and everytime i'm wearing it, I look down and the charm just makes me smile. 
There are no words to describe how much I love this man for who he is and what he does for our family. We found strength in each other to get through our bad times and now we are just looking forward to the good in the future :) He has been researching my medical condition along with different doctors. He never complains when I swell and don't feel well or when I just have a lazy day and don't clean. He cannot stand it when I am not happy - I think he would go to the ends of the earth to make me smile. He will skip a day on the golf course just to spend the day coloring with his kids. He spoils me - and tells me I deserve it. He has never told me "no" or belittled me for a decision I made. When we were briefly seperated, he still text me everyday to say "I love you" - and at that point in my life, I need to hear it. He works long hard hours every single day sometimes going weeks without a day off yet as soon as he gets home he says "how was your day?" He has learned to be sensitive and communicate - and that is a huge defeat because he comes from a long line of men who do not know how to show emotion or love. (I know alot of people say the same thing about their families, especially the older generation so i'm thankful he has gotten past that.) He is a man of God and has drawn closer to God since our tragic loss. He tells me i'm beautiful (or sexy) even when i'm a hot mess. He has never put pressure on me to be a certain shape or size. He has always supported my dreams and attempted in anyway possible to make sure they came true. He still makes my heart skip a beat....you get the picture, i'm in love with my husband still after all these years! :)
I told you this post was random... would anyone like to have these for free? I had bought them for Ace's party and we decided just to take the kids to the movies so we ended up not needing them. I would love for them to find a home that isn't in my "junk room". If you would like to come pick them up, you can email me at momwifedesigner@gmail.com or catch me on Facebook! 
I have been working on room ideas this week and stumbled upon this beautiful room fit for a princess. Hopefully one day I will have a little princess to give a room like this. We have this beautiful room that used to be a formal dining that we have turned into a guest room and office and it would make the perfect little girl nursery. Of course, we would welcome another little boy as well and his room would be just as fabulous! I feel really blessed that we have a beautiful home and the financial freedom that most people do not have when they choose to have children. I am not saying that it has always been this considering we had Blaze as teenagers, but I wish we would have waited - although I think Blaze changed both of us for the better and helped us to get to where we are today. There are way too many young people out there still making these decisions today of having unprotected sex and ending up with "mistakes". I know that babies are a blessing from the Lord, but I also know that a baby deserves the best and you shouldn't have them until you are ready and with the person you are married to. This is just my opinion - and I wish that more people believed the same thing in today's society. 
I am a part of an organization called HappySaks that helps The Boys and Girls Club of America give away backpacks and school supplies to children whose parents cannot afford to go back to school shopping. This is something that I feel very emotional about. I know that kids are bullied so much nowadays anyways and I think all kids should have the chance to have a new backpack and supplies to start off on the right foot. All types of research has been done about what a boost it gives kids' self esteem to have all the supplies they need to go back to school. We spent a few hours on Sunday filling backpacks to donate to our local schools. Last year we gave away 5 and this year I would love to give away 12, but so far we have filled 4 and plan to do at least 1 more on our finances alone. If you would like to help or donate, please contact me at the information I listed above on the previous post. You can do anything from a .15 pencil to donate $40 which will buy and fill one whole backpack and give a child a brighter future! The boys also picked out their backpacks and supplies and their daddy helped them to pack them and get them ready for school - in two weeks!
Are you all still awake? Still reading?? If so, you must really love me! 1 Corinthians 13:1-8
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ...
Psalm 25:4-5
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.
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