Alive And Well!

Well, hello blogging world!  I bet you thought you would never see me again!  I took a few months off of blogging while my family went through major changes... but I am back - and better than ever!  I have started another blog to just share some stories, prayer chains, mommy frustrations, etc.  that is just a place for me to write my thoughts, but after alot of thought and prayer I decided to come back here and start blogging for my family again.

To fill you all in quickly, since the last time I blogged, my husband was let go from the job that we up and moved for after spending over 7 years with the company, we had to quickly get rid of our Pikeville home, move to Kingston and stay with my dad for a short time, then try to find ourselves a house.  We got pregnant again and tragically lost our baby almost a year to the day of losing Allie last year.  My grandmother passed away after her long, hard battle with Myeloma.  I lost two dear friends to accidents and I saw alot more heartbreak as well.  DJ found a new job and I was diagnosed with a new blood clotting disorder.  We went searching for a church and our oldest son found his love for Christ.  We have made alot of new memories, had to get rid of our beloved dog, and went through a bitter dispute with former employers.  I know it's alot so I promise to write more as i'm able!  I love you guys and I appreciate you all so much for sticking by me through the thick and thin of life.  We must all remember that these trials are temporary but our salvation is forever!

New Years 2012

Happy New Year!!! We had a very low key night just with our family. Originally, we had planned on having some friends over, but there was another party for our co-workers that we didn't know about until last minute so we decided just to stay home.
I tried to get creative for the boys so they would have fun - so we made cotton candy volcanoes! They are simply cotton candy in a cup with a blower and sprinkles, but the boys loved them!

I made some homemade dips and they were sooooo good! We couldn't stop eating all night!

I have decided to do the 365 day challenge offered from Kelly Montana. It is to blog every single day in 2012. I wanted to do this last year, but I am committed to this. I love to go back and read my posts from months ago and see how much life has changed - our how Gods plans were different than our own (as you can see ALOT in this blog!). My original plan was to have an all new blogspot and post one time everyday in 2012 and just link that blog to this blog, but I have limited time to blog these days so here we are :)

I encourage all of your bloggy friends to join us in this challenge :) and a few of you I just need to start blogging! Especially you, Brittany Dale!

Mom Thoughts

Today has been a very hard day for me for some reason. I would be lying if I said that I am doing better than I was 6 months ago when I lost my baby at 14 weeks gestation. Honestly, I have spent every single day since praying to God for another chance to have a baby or for answers as to why he chose me to be the mom of an angel. This morning, I woke up just missing my baby more than usual. I got a text from a dear friend, Brittany, to tell me she was in labor. We were both pregnant at the same time and she was the first person I called when I lost Allie. Although I am so happy for her, it did bring up the emotion of losing my own baby. So, I prayed for her and for me and turned on this little lady below -
I read one of Joyce Meyer's book and honestly. I also got on the internet and read about her ministry and there was nothing but bad things said about her, her ministry, and her finances. I had already formed an opinion of her BEFORE I ever watched her show. Anyway, about a month ago I came across her show on TV. It was a Sunday, I was running late for church, and felt guilty that I didn't go, so I asked DJ to watch the kids for thirty minutes and I did "church from home." More for me than for God, again brutal honesty, because I felt guilty for not going to church for the THIRD week in a row I might add. Shame on us!

I have been watching her show almost everyday for a month and today's show really hit me hard (like a baseball to the face hard)! She said that when shephards would buy lambs, they would break their legs and carry them so that by the time their legs healed, the lambs would be so attached to being close to the shephard that they never wandered off. Is that what God has done to me? Did he break my legs so I never strayed away again??

All along, I thought God just was not here, that I did something to lose my child, that I was being punished by God for something that I had done in the past and he took my child from me to teach me a lesson.

When I was younger, the teacher would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I never said police woman, teacher, or lawyer, I always said - mommy. It is the best job in the world without a doubt. When I got pregnant with Blaze, I was an unwed teenager who knew nothing about being a mom. My mother was a heroin addict and walked out of my life when I was very young. I had numerous stepmothers and my grandmother tried her best, but I never really had a mom. I was scared to death of having a baby, being someone's mother, not to mention someone's wife. I just took it one day at a time. When Blaze was born, it didn't come naturally. I would fake being asleep in the middle of the night so that DJ had to get up with Blaze because his crying made me sick to my stomach. I got anyone and everyone to watch him so I could "go out and be a teen." It wasn't until Blaze was about 6 months old that I realized I was a mother. That the dream I had wanted all my life had come true... and that was when I realized that I wanted to be a mother 24/7... A stay at home, non-working, 110% dedicated mom. We knew we wanted to have more children even after Ace came along.. and here we are 5 years later hoping that God will bless us with a baby again someday.

So, I hope this comes as an encouragement to all of you reading. I started this blog simply to help our family keep in touch and share photos of our family not knowing that along the way I would share my loss and some of my deepest thoughts with my readers. I have received numerous calls, texts, messages, and emails saying how this blog has helped so many people who needed someone to understand what they were going through. I'm just here writing what alot of women wish they could say. And I say to you, I understand and I'm here.

Christmas Break 2011

Christmas break has been wonderful. My hubby gave me an early present since the boys were out of school and he knew I would need some alone time here and there. I had been thinking about getting another Nook, but over and over I read incredible reviews about the Kindle products and I guess my hubby had too because he got me a new Kindle Fire! I have already found so many uses for it including not only reading all my favorite books, but also keeping the boys occupied at the grocery store with games, watching Netflix beside hubby while he watches football, and even getting on Facebook before bed! I recommend the Kindle Fire to all of you if you are thinking about buying a reader.

We also went and picked up Kobe to celebrate Christmas with our favorite buddy! I took them for lunch, then we went to Chuckles to blow off some energy, and we finished our night with a movie date. The boys cried when he left - and I have a feeling he will be back before break is over :)

The boys had a Christmas program at school and DJ and I both were lucky enough to get to attend. Ace played a mouse and Blaze sang Rudolph. It was the very play that they had been in together so it was a proud mama moment! I attended both of their school parties the day before break and I had alot of fun meeting some of their friends at their new school. This picture was taken in Ace's classroom. By the way, they have the best teachers they have ever had! I am so thankful that my children are being taught by such amazing women - we really lucked up!

The boys made a Santa letter at school and I was very suprised to read what Ace had to say. He asked Santa for a ring for his mom - and the waterworks came out big time! For about 3 years now, Ace is constantly telling me that he wishes he could marry me instead of daddy. He has "stolen" my ring a few times only to hide it behind his back, get on one knee, and beg me to "break up with daddy and marry him." To say he is a mama's boy is an understatement, but his love for me reminds me why I love my children so much. Thank you Lord for allowing me to be a mother to these two precious boys, along with a few angels :)

What have you been doing on Christmas Break with your children? I would love to hear some stories!

And before I forget, let me go ahead and address something really quick. I posted less than a month ago a random family post and a "reader" commented on it about witchcraft and how some healer had helped her and she just wanted me to try him too. I have not responded to her nor do I know her, but my healer's name is Jesus! I do not believe in witchcraft nor would I ever try another religion to "heal me" of my miscarriages. I know that children are a gift from the Lord and his timing is always perfect! Just wanted to let you all know in case you read the comment and wondered where she came from or why I did not respond.

Random Facts About Me

1. I find my bed to be my "comfort zone." Whenever I am having a super bad day, I will eat, talk, and do everything else while in bed. It has been like this since I was a very little girl and when I was diagnosed with endometriosis, I spent alot of days doing as much as I could from bed. No matter where I go, I miss my bed!
2. People tell me I look snotty or stuck up when they first meet me. I promise that it isnt on purpose, I guess it's just the way my face looks - ha! Once people get to know me, they breakdown and tell me that they thought I was a snob at first! I have tried to smile more and make people feel as comfortable as possible, but I still hear it everytime I meet someone new. I think it is more on my end because I am a people pleaser. I want my impression to be the right one so I am timid and shy to talk first and people take that as me not wanting to talk to them at all, which isn't true!

3. I love to accessorize. My favorite things to wear are necklaces, earrings, purses, and shoes. I will take an ordinary outfit and completely change the look by my different accessories. This is a good way to save money and still be fashion savvy as well.

4. I have a knack for cleaning and organizing. Anytime that I am in a bad mood, I will slip off and clean or re-organize a room. My friends have hired me to clean their houses before just out of fun or de-stress. I feel stressed out when I walk into a room that isn't clean, but I also really respect working moms and how they do their job AND keep up with the house. I have had this OCD type issue since I was younger. I lived with my father so our house was rarely cleaned by a woman so it was a bit on the messy side, but not my room. I would make sure my bed was made and everything had a place. I have started my children on that same path by requiring their room is clean and bed is made before they play.

5. I dreamed of being a bride since I was 5 years old! I had it all planned out down to the tee, but I never thought it would really happen to me. I came from a broken home and my parents went on to be married multiple times so I was already uneasy that love is forever. Then, after dating a few choice boys in high school that also did not hold the same values of love as me, I lost all hope to love and be loved forever. Thank God for DJ and for this amazing marriage I have been blessed with for the last 8 years. It hasn't always been great and we have had our fair share of ups and downs, but he did make my fairy tale come true and I am very thankful that I was blessed with a husband to share my life with.

So, tell me something random about you! I will be posting more randoms in a bit... I'm trying to get everything caught up and move on to the new and improved website, Ashley's Avenue - stay tuned :)